In the mornings I love sitting on my deck, sipping my coffee and listening to this little town come to life; the birds chirping, the faint sound of laughter from children heading to school, and the gentle rustle of leaves in the breeze create a symphony of early day sounds that invigorate my spirit. This home that I sit in is the same home my now ex-husband and I bought over a decade ago, filled with memories both joyful and bittersweet. We had done some remodeling here and there, transforming certain spaces into cozy nooks and vibrant areas, but still so much remains to finish and redo, each unfinished project serving as a reminder of the dreams we once shared. I wouldn’t say that I love this home any more with the life changes my children and I have had to walk through, as it now feels more like a canvas of our past rather than a sanctuary, but for now, things will have to do, and I hope that in time, I can once again find peace and contentment within these walls, allowing the memories to settle into new stories.

Back to my story…

I was quite mature during my high school years. I had a couple of jobs from babysitting most weekends and worked at a photography studio. I LOVED both of those jobs! My summers were spent mainly focused on babysitting and watching my little brother grow up, which truly filled my heart with joy. Neighborhood kids gathered at our house with the trampoline in our backyard and an endless supply of popsicles, creating memories that would last a lifetime. On rainy days, my brother and I would spend our time indoors playing the original Nintendo games, sitting right up on the TV in our bean bag chairs, lost in the pixelated adventures of the heroes on screen. How refreshing it is to sit here and think back to those carefree days that were filled with laughter and innocent fun! He was the best kid, and without hesitation, the most hilarious kid I knew, always creating humorous situations that made even the dullest days lively. He may not remember the days that I absolutely adored him, but those moments are etched in my mind forever. As I was 7 years older, I was always his protector; no one would ever hurt him, and I always made sure of that! I took pride in fostering his imagination, encouraging him to explore, and believing in him even when he doubted himself. Together, we shared an unbreakable bond, a beautiful connection that made our childhood an adventure I will forever cherish.

As time went on, we eventually grew up and grew apart, each taking our own paths that differed more with each passing year. I was 19 when I graduated high school, reflecting on the journey that had brought me to this pivotal point in my life. I was held back in 3rd grade, so that made me a year older than most kids in my graduating class, an experience that definitely shaped my perspective on education and social dynamics. Although, 3rd grade was a difficult year to be held back, it was necessary in retrospect, as it laid the groundwork for my future learning. My skills as a student weren’t the greatest, as I had mentioned before, and I often found myself overwhelmed in the traditional academic environment. I did struggle, never knowing why, until years after high school when I finally learned that I had a learning disability that colored my educational experience in ways I hadn’t fully grasped at the time. I learned differently than most kids, and I saw letters and words in a way that felt like looking through a distorted lens. Back when I was in elementary school, no one really knew how to spot those types of disabilities, leading to misunderstandings and struggles that could have been mitigated with the right support. Maybe if teachers had been more informed, they wouldn’t have been so harsh or thought less of me, but those experiences also fueled my resilience and determination to triumph over adversity. Despite the challenges, I am here today, perfectly imperfect, smarter, and richer in love than most can say for themselves, grateful for the lessons learned and the strength I’ve gained from my journey.

After high school, I went on to a trade school where I dedicated my time to learning Phlebotomy skills, fascinated by the medical field and the important role I could play in patient care. This career took me on a unique journey, filled with experiences and challenges right up until 8 years ago when I made the brave decision to go back to school once again to learn a new trade that had always piqued my interest. I’ll talk about that at a later time when I dive deeper into that chapter of my life. Entering my 20s, I found myself with a fresh perspective on life, navigating the complexities of adulthood while still trying to figure out my path and who I really wanted to be. I dabbled in the bar scene a little once I turned 21, eager to embrace this newfound freedom. Despite the thrill of nightlife, I didn’t really like how alcohol made me feel, though I occasionally tied one on here and there to experience what my friends were raving about. I have maybe been drunk three times in my life, and each time left me with a lingering sense of fear about losing control. The aftermath always brought about feelings of sickness and regret. Getting that wasted is like volunteering to throw up while hanging your head outside of a car window going down the road at 55 miles per hour; that chaotic blend of exhilaration and nausea is a memory etched in my mind. Yep, I did that one time in my 20s, and still to this day, I have no ambition to do that again! Such experiences taught me valuable lessons about moderation and self-awareness, reinforcing my belief in making conscious choices that align with my values.

I was never the kid who went to parties as a teenager; it simply wasn’t my style, nor did I have any interest in drugs. You can believe me or not, but I have never once smoked marijuana to this day. It does not appeal to me in any way, and the curiosity has never crossed my mind, leaving me free to focus on other aspects of life that mattered more to me. Anyway, I did have a couple of boyfriends during those years. Wait, did y’all think I never had a boyfriend? Actually, I did! I dated a police officer my senior year, and while it was just one of those typical teenage romances, it felt significant at the time. That year was probably the quietest of my whole life up to that point, filled with a strange mix of anxiety and anticipation. All the girls who bullied me had either flunked out or graduated, moving on into life’s unexpected twists and turns that I hoped would bring them growth. My only hope is that they all grew up to lead happy and healthy lives, filled with acceptance and understanding. But I also hope they had a moment of reflection at some point, taking a closer look at their past actions as they raised their children, burning out the torch that fueled their days on what they had done to me. I always believe that people can change and become better; maybe now they feel terrible about their past behaviors, or perhaps they live in denial, cloaked in a facade of unawareness. At this point in my life, I really don’t care; I have moved on, and that chapter has long closed for me. Even though they are a part of my story, I have forgiven each of them at this point. I found my way out of those dark days, emerging stronger and more resilient than before, and I plan to tell my story with resilience and perseverance, hoping that it might inspire others who have walked similar paths to embrace their own journeys toward healing and self-acceptance.

Back to my boyfriend edition…. The police officer I had committed to for about three years wasn’t the love of my life, a realization that came crashing down when he decided to see if the grass was greener on the other side, meaning he cheated. This betrayal broke my heart into a million pieces and left me questioning everything I thought I knew about love and trust. I touch base on this chapter because the process of healing did something profound to me; it forced me to confront my pain and reflect deeply on who I was and what I truly wanted from life. I grew into a person who finally taught me how to stand up for myself, to recognize my own value, and to assert my needs unapologetically. My heart may have grown bitter in the aftermath of that heartbreak, but it ultimately taught me something essential that I needed in my life: strength. I amassed enough strength during those healing days to endure what has been the worst of the worst later in life, reminding myself that resilience is born in times of struggle. It taught me how not to be treated by a man and that no man has control over my heart. I learned that I could—and deserved to—walk away from situations that didn’t fulfill my needs or align with my values. I came to understand that my self-worth was paramount, far more important than I had ever realized, and so much more! So today, I could thank that man for being a dishonest person who inadvertently pushed me to grow, but I do hope he has gained a better perspective on relationships and learned to treat others with the respect they deserve. I honestly say I forgive him for breaking my heart, as it opened up space for self-discovery and personal evolution. Moving on, I found myself rekindling old friendships from high school that had once brought me so much joy. We had a lot of fun being carefree, laughing and enjoying life with no relationships chaining us down, reminding me of a simpler time when everything felt possible. Until I met the person who did change everything, and this is where my whole story begins—an unexpected twist that ignited a flame in my heart and led me to discover the real journey that ultimately shaped who I am today, a journey that reveals the truth and reason for being alive, filled with lessons I will never forget. The darkest of storms are yet to come.