(NLT) When you go through deep waters, I will be with you, When you go through rivers of difficulty, you will not drown. When you walk through the fire of oppression, you will not burn up; the flames will not consume you.
I was feeling a great deal of defeat during this time. I felt like I was losing the battle, my oldest daughter had left and wanted nothing to do with me. He was rewriting my devotion to her using manipulation and lies to win her over, playing on her vulnerabilities and poisoning her perception of me. With that alone, I felt crushed and angry, as if the very foundation of my life was being ripped away from me. Living without my girls was like not breathing; the emptiness echoed in every corner of my heart, and this man’s influence lingered like a dark cloud, a heaviness that stayed with me. I kept sensing that something wasn’t right, an unsettling feeling in the pit of my stomach that would not fade. I felt it, but I didn’t know what it was, only that I was losing the precious connection I once had with my daughter. The only thing I knew to do at this point was to pray and ask God for His leadership, for His guidance to help me navigate this painful situation. I dove into scripture, finding comfort in His word, which became my refuge. I prayed every day, all day, pouring out my fears, anxieties, and hopes, growing my strength deeper with God; it was the only answer I had, and I clung to it desperately, hoping for a breakthrough and the chance to rebuild our relationship.
By this time I was working and going to the gym regularly, establishing a routine that helped to ground me in my daily life. I needed an outlet, and while God was my first source of refuge mentally and emotionally, I also felt an overwhelming need to let out the frustration and anger that had been building inside me over the years. The gym became a sanctuary where I could channel those feelings into something constructive and invigorating. Each session was not just a workout; it was a release, a cathartic moment where I could sweat out the negativity and anxiety that had settled deep within me. As I put in the effort and dedication day after day, I ended up losing about 70 lbs, which made me feel amazing and more confident than I had in years, reshaping not just my body but also my self-image. With every passing day, I noticed subtle changes—not only in the mirror but in the way I held myself, the way I engaged with others, and how I approached challenges. I was listening to God’s word and trusting His leadership, finding strength in Scriptures that reassured me of my worth and purpose, verses that echoed in my mind as I lifted weights and ran on the treadmill. These affirmations fueled my spirit, providing a sense of direction and clarity. While in deep prayer, I was getting the feeling of calmness wash over me, as if God was gently telling me to trust Him completely and let go of my burdens. I felt an incredible sense of safety in prayer, and He had already proven to me that He works behind the scenes in ways I couldn’t always see, orchestrating my life’s events for my good, even when I was unaware. More and more, I began to recognize the small miracles—a kind word from a stranger, a moment of laughter with friends, or even the beauty of a sunset—that reminded me of His presence. It was remarkable that I still hadn’t experienced even one panic attack or a shred of anxiety despite everything that was going on around me, such as the stresses of work and the unpredictability of life. This newfound peace was something I had only dreamed of before, a serene state of mind that felt like a protective shield surrounding me. Each day was infused with a sense of hope, a belief that I was capable of overcoming whatever challenges lay ahead. I believe that through committing to God’s word and nurturing my faith daily, my trust started to exceed all of my expectations, leading me to a place of hope and resilience that I had never known before—a transformative journey that redefined my spirit and equipped me for whatever lay ahead, allowing me to embrace my life with renewed enthusiasm and a sense of purpose. I understood that this was not just a physical transformation; it was a spiritual awakening that had cultivated a deep connection between my body, mind, and soul, fostering a holistic approach to my well-being.
You ever heard the phrase or a song that said let go and let God…? It wasn’t easy, but that’s exactly what I had to do to find peace in my heart. If it wasn’t for God, I would still be in panic mode, overwhelmed by anxiety and uncertainty. He didn’t take those moments of distress away for nothing; they were lessons wrapped in challenges, and I believe He caused them for a reason. He knew I would need Him before I did, He had to be the one to reach me because I had no solid foundation in faith at all. He understood the struggles I would face, the turmoil that would arise in my life, especially in the next few months when everything seemed to spiral out of control. Each trial I faced pushed me closer to Him, awakening a yearning in my soul that I had long ignored. Embracing the idea of letting go and surrendering my worries to a higher power became my lifeline, guiding me toward a deeper understanding of trust and faith.
Every song I heard that spoke to my heart would compel me to pause, raising my hands to the heavens or getting down on my knees in fervent prayer for the safety and well-being of my precious girls. Each prayer was imbued with desperation and love, so intense that tears streamed down my cheeks, soaking and ruining my freshly done make up, a mere reflection of the turmoil within me. The most poignant prayer I uttered daily was for God to open the eyes of my daughter and help her see the truth that was obscured from her. She was blinded by the relentless manipulation of her father, a cunning figure who had ensnared her in his web of deceit, leaving her vulnerable and lost. The enemy had her completely chained down to his narcissism, making her feel powerless and confused, while I stood powerless, yearning for her to break free from the chains that bound her spirit, hoping for the day when she would reclaim her identity and strength.
Walk By Faith Not By sight 