(NLT) You need not to be afraid of sudden disaster or the destruction that comes up on the wicked, for the Lord is your security. He will keep your foot from being caught in a trap.
This is the exact scripture I needed to build strength and confidence. I believe that God not only fills us with his strength but he also gives us opportunities to prove that strength in our daily lives. Each challenge we face is a chance to grow in resilience and faith, reminding us of His unwavering presence. Just another testimony of his faithfulness, as I reflect upon past struggles and the lessons learned through them. I didn’t have much interaction with my ex, but when I did, my strength was put to the test in ways I never anticipated. With God’s leadership that I followed faithfully, I found that my demeanor stayed calm even while my ex was hateful and degrading. It was during those difficult moments that I felt a profound sense of peace, allowing me to respond with grace rather than anger. This experience reinforced my understanding that true strength is not merely about facing adversity, but also about maintaining composure in the face of hostility. Through this journey, I’ve come to realize that the challenges are what shape us, drawing us closer to God’s purpose for our lives.
Each time I saw my ex, he was always hostile towards me. I believe that his girlfriend at the time had a lot to do with it, as her insecurities seemed to seep into their relationship and amplify his negative behavior. She was still very jealous that we were not divorced yet, and this jealousy manifested in various ways, including scornful glances and snide comments that added to the already tense atmosphere. The kids have often told me that they fought about her catching him staring at other women, which only added fuel to the fire. Their fights were constant and disturbing; my girls became frustrated and disgusted by their arguments, feeling trapped in the middle of a turbulent conflict that was entirely unnecessary. It seemed like he was living in a never-ending cycle of fighting, unable to break free from the emotional chaos that surrounded him. He fought with his girlfriend and his daughters regularly, often making the girls feel somewhat crazy for expressing their feelings or concerns. I’m pretty sure it was a manipulation tactic that he was trying on them, a way to shift the blame and project his own insecurities onto innocent children. He was attempting to prove to the court that our girls were “unruly” and that I was trying to alienate him or that I was brainwashing them into siding with me. I think that he was fearing his own manipulations because he did that exact thing to our oldest daughter, causing significant emotional distress. But in reality, his plan wasn’t working as he had intended, and he started to panic, realizing that his desperate attempts to create a narrative in his favor were backfiring. He didn’t want the court to figure out his plan to try and get custody because he feared the truth would reveal the true nature of his character and the damaging environment he was fostering.
Early on in the custody battle, I had suggested therapy for the girls and their dad, believing it could provide much-needed support and guidance to navigate the all the emotions surrounding our situation. I wanted someone to see first-hand what was going on and to understand the dynamics at play in our family. The only way to show the court the true nature of his actions was to suggest a biased opinion, which I thought was crucial for the girls’ well-being. My plan worked brilliantly! They eventually appointed a therapist who was experienced in dealing with familial conflicts and could help both the girls and their father work through all of the fighting and resentment that had built up over time. From the very first session, the therapist immediately saw right through his manipulation, recognizing the subtle ways he exerted control over the situation. The girls finally felt like there was someone on their side, a neutral party who would advocate for their needs and feelings. I had never spoken to this woman, so she had no preconceived opinions from me at all, which allowed her to form her own observations without bias. After about three sessions, the therapist wrote a recommendation to the court explaining that the girls were under a great deal of stress caused by their father, indicating that therapy between the three of them needed to come to an end for the sake of the girls’ mental health. He was causing more stress than healing, and the therapist strongly suggested he needed therapy himself, on his own, to address his underlying issues. Meanwhile, she continued to see the girls one-on-one so that they could work out their anger, sadness, and confusion in a safe environment. She also recommended no overnight stays at his house and to lessen his parenting time, emphasizing the importance of creating a stable and nurturing atmosphere for the girls to thrive in during this challenging transition. The changes she advocated for became instrumental in helping them regain a sense of stability and peace in their lives.
As the weeks went by, we were well into the beginning of the school year, and with each passing Friday, the excitement surrounding the football games grew stronger. The stadium lights shining brightly, the band playing, and the cheers of enthusiastic students created an electric atmosphere that our girls eagerly anticipated. However, this joy caused significant friction with my ex. Our girls were not just fans; they were vibrant supporters of our school, eagerly donning their team colors and joining in the chants, just as most teenagers do. I usually assumed that every Friday night I would be driving them to a game and picking them up afterward, a routine that brought back fond memories of my own childhood. I loved that my girls were involved in their school, supporting their friends and forming lasting bonds through shared experiences. There was an unspoken understanding that they never had to ask for permission to attend a sporting event; it was simply a part of their lives, unless it involved a long-distance game or if they wished to carpool with a friend, fostering their independence. These are the precious memories that kids create during their formative years, and they deserved to unwind and celebrate after a long week filled with homework and tests, relishing the simple joys of youth. It was never a problem with our oldest daughter going to these games when we were married; it was a cherished routine. However, as time passed, this situation transformed into a significant concern. He began to impose restrictions, controlling their movements and decisions, and that’s when his parenting tactics spiraled out of control, impacting not just our family dynamics but also the sense of freedom that our daughters had once enjoyed.
His parenting time was every other weekend, and at this point, our girls were now 17 and 14 years old. The teenage years can be a challenging time for both parents and children, and trying to change the dynamic of your parenting tactics at this stage would likely result in a complete disaster! Nevertheless, he did everything in his power to control them, believing that exerting authority was the best way to ensure their compliance. Despite their desire to get ready at home with their friends for the game, he insisted that they ask him for permission to attend. This insistence created tension and frustration in the household. He demanded they change their plans, attempting to keep them from enjoying the Friday night games, which were a cherished tradition for them and their friends. They simply said no, standing firm in their wishes, which only served to infuriate him further. That made his blood boil over, igniting the already simmering conflict between their desire for freedom and his attempts to impose his will on them, creating an environment charged with tension and frustration.
In reality, he was trying to change something that had been tradition for them in the years past. I didn’t speak a word as I wanted them try and come to an agreement. He started to threaten me with contempt because he wasn’t feeling that I was supporting him. He was right ! I did not support that he was trying to change something that we always allowed our girls to do. Although I didn’t have much to say in the time of circumstances, I also didn’t agree. I didn’t agree with they way he was handling the situations or his demeanor towards the girls. He was never this hateful of a person and they were scared and that was his fault. The constant fighting of parenting time was hell and he didn’t help himself at all through this time. The 2 younger girls started to see that he had changed or maybe this is the person he was all along. August rolled into September with nothing but fights. He tried to control them in ways we had never parented before, scaring them more than anything
September that year had rolled in and to my surprise, I got phone call that changed everything.
Walk By Faith Not By sight 